It’s Only My Opinion For The Soap Week Ending March 7

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From l.: DAYS’s EJ (Dan Feuerriegel), GH’s Ric and Ava (Rick Hearst and Maura West), and Y&R’s Nate (Sean Dominic)

Thanks to all the normal dialogue on Beyond The Gates, I find myself responding more to characters and situations that sound… real.

What Dani did to Bill before his wedding to Hayley was everything you’ve ever wanted to do to an ex who wronged you. She knew Bill blackmailed her parents into forcing the family to attend, so she got right in his face.

Dani: “My parents insisted we come to this clown show because you got to them. I don’t wish you or your whore well.”

She then tossed her champagne in his face and took her seat — until the minister asked if anyone objected to the vows and Dani decided that she did and pulled a gun.

Vernon: “Danielle! Put down that gun!”

It is a universal truth that when our dad uses our full name, we are in trouble. Dani ordered the bride and groom to their knees, Bill grabbed the gun, she insulted Hayley some more and then took her dad’s advice.

Dani: “I’ll see myself out.”

Ha! I like how this soap treats us like we’re smart. When Bill says, “Let me do what I do,” that’s code for blackmail. Bill had the nerve to tell Dani to “show some grace” about him marrying their daughter’s best friend and she cut him right down: “Stop talking.” Vernon and Anita clearly have rich, messy pasts, but when their granddaughter calls them “relationship goals,” we know that means they have faced their struggles together. And just because they are the storied founders of the Dupree family, that doesn’t mean they can’t have classic lines.

Anita: “If Bill has the stones to marry that little heifer in our community, he can do it looking at our pissed-off faces.”

And even though practically every character has a big job, they’re still allowed to make mistakes.

Ted (re: Dani’s meltdown): “No one could have predicted this.”

Nicole: “I’m a psychiatrist.”

Speaking of shrinks, B&B’s Taylor had a reasonable response when Steffy told her Finn is Luna’s bio dad.

Taylor: “First a mother-in-law from hell, and now a deranged stepdaughter?”

Steffy’s world is not safe with Sheila and Luna in Finn’s orbit, argued her mom. Finn will want to make things right with Luna, so Steffy should take the kids and move into Eric’s house. (I’m cool with that, as long as Donna is on screen every day reminding Ridge, Taylor, and Steffy that she is the lady of the manor.)

Finn: “Don’t give up on us. We didn’t let Sheila come between us, don’t let Luna.”

Steffy: “Your daughter tried to kill me. How much more of this am I supposed to take? I want a normal, simple life!”

Good for real people, bad for soap characters — but I take her point.

On the downside was the dialogue between Finn and Luna when he came clean, because it did not sound realistic.

Finn: “Your entire life, you have longed to look into your father’s eyes and see the man who helped bring you into this world. A man that can call you his daughter. That day has finally come. The day that you have waited an entire lifetime for. I’m your father.”

The music swelled like it was the crescendo of a big movie moment instead of a man telling a murderer she was the product of a one-night stand between him and her promiscuous mother when he was 18 years old (blech).

You know what would have been more believable? Finn saying, “I have to tell you something and it’s going to sound really weird, but I swear it’s true.”

I also didn’t get this exchange between Carter and Daphne, who have known each other for about a month.

Daphne: “You’re a good man with a good heart.”

Carter: “It’s like you can see right through me. Like you know everything I’m thinking. I tried to tell myself what Hope and I did was justified, that I’m a decent man.”

Daphne (kissing him): “You’re so much more…”

In no universe does that conversation happen. Carter turned his life upside down for his new love, Hope, and stole Forrester Creations with her, which cost him his best friend, Ridge, and the family he claimed to care about. How could Daphne — a woman with whom Carter has shared a few conversations about perfume — possibly know “everything he’s thinking?” It cheapens what we are supposed to believe Carter has with Hope and makes him so shallow. Talk like a real person!

Like DAYS’s Paulina, who hasn’t let becoming the mayor alter her direct approach.

Paulina: “I’ve given a lot of thought to the pitch you made to me to hire you as DA. Why would I appoint a DA whose ass is going straight to prison?”

EJ: “My rear isn’t heading anywhere near a jail cell.”

Paulina listed EJ’s most recent crimes, including aiding and abetting Rachel Blake in her kidnapping of Ava Vitali and replacing Jada’s fiancé with Fake Rafe. EJ preened that when Jada is convicted, she’ll beg him to come back.

Paulina: “You lead a recall against me, you can go straight to hell.”

Chanel (entering): “Mom!”

Chanel and Johnny routinely run interference for their warring parents but made a special request that day because they were trying to make a good impression on Mrs. Choi so they could adopt her daughter’s baby.

EJ: “I’ve been nothing but cordial.”

Paulina: “Sure you were, Elvis.”

Sarcasm! Let’s have more of that.

Suspicion is logical, too. Good for Y&R’s Lily for investigating Nate’s sudden brother, Damian. She went to Victor, and he came through with the dirt that Damian is not all he claims to be, which Lily shared with the fam.

Nate: “I didn’t ask for your help, and I don’t need it.”

Memo to Nate: She didn’t do it for you, she did it for her — because your newfound bro is romancing Lily like it’s his job. Nate snarked that Lily’s investigation might cause Damian to leave town before he reconciles with his mother, when the only reason he stayed was because of Lily…. but she stuck to the point.

Lily: “Damian lied. That’s a big red flag.”

Exactly.

Making a scene in public is also pretty normal for our soap faves. GH’s Ava wanted to show Ric how well she’s getting along with Sonny, so she approached him and Kristina at Bobbie’s and prattled on about Avery’s upcoming recital.

Ava: “Avery tried on her costume the other night. She’s just adorable.”

Kristina: “Wow. It must be so nice to spend time with your daughter out in the world instead of in the cemetery where I visit mine because you killed her.”

Ava: “I’m sorry you still feel that way.”

Kristina: “Still? I’m going to feel that way forever.”

That’s right. Parents never get over the loss of a child. We could argue that Ava wasn’t at fault — and the baby actually “belonged” to Molly — but that moment felt real.

They’re also starting to address the icky plot twist of Cody and Sasha learning they’re first cousins after dating and making out for months. When Cody tried to convince Sasha that the Quartermaines care about her, she drew a line in the sand.

Sasha: “There’s a fine line between caring and controlling, and I refuse to let them control me.”

Cody: “You go, Cuz!”

Sasha shot him a look that could kill, and he backtracked immediately.

Cody: “Too soon, got it. That felt gross coming out.”

Thank you. Addressing unrealistic plot points makes them more believable. Is it hard to believe that an international spy organization has been based in sleepy Port Charles for decades? Yes — so kudos to GH for leaning into that, too.

Carly: “How did you find me?”

Brennan: “I’m a spy.”

Hey. It’s only my opinion.